Holiday blues are real, and they’re a deep worry

Holiday blues are a real ailment, and now is the time that it often sets in as people struggle to deal with the festive season, compounded by the coronavirus pandemic.

“It’s definitely a real thing, though it’s often dismissed. People joke about being paid early in December and then having to wait until the 57th of January to be paid again, but the truth is that is actually what it really feels like,” said clinical psychologist Judith Ancer.

“Basically it’s a time when there is a poor match between expectations and experience. People have an ideal, and an expectation that this is a time of holidays, family and celebration, without properly factoring in the time of Covid and loss, financial insecurity and all the demands, stresses and pressures that diminish your capacity to relax.

“People often abandon their normal routine. They stop exercising and eating properly and that is replaced by over-eating and indulging, drinking more, ditching normal sleep patterns and gym sessions and generally abandoning normal healthier living and self care,” Ancer explained.

Senzekile Shongwe of the SA Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), said many people were expressing confusion over pandemic concerns and the impact on usual festive habits.

“People are finding this time strange and they are battling to make decisions about what they should do. ‘I am supposed to go back home, but I don’t have money for this’, and ‘I am supposed to be with people at this time but I actually just want to be alone’.

“So many people have been through havoc in the year and need to take some time now to fill their own cup. This is a time to spend with people who make you happy and make you laugh. Stay home with your cats rather than go home to family if that is what you feel is best right now. Realise that it is OK to do things differently. Do some self-introspection and do what makes you happy,” she advised.

Ancer concurred, adding that social media was a big factor in spurring negative thoughts and perceptions.

“It’s been a terribly hard year and just acknowledging that is painful. People need to understand that it is not normal to be happy all the time and give themselves permission to respect and honour their experience without getting stuck in the worst of it.”

She added: “Don’t look at Instagram, Tik Tok and Facebook that are full of other people’s holidays and parties and gifts. Realise that real life is a mixture of good and bad and it takes courage to own the good and bad and loss.”

She said the end of year was typically a time of taking stock and setting new goals, with many people being unrealistic or overly harsh in their actions. This, she said, posed a danger with some people falling into despair over the belief that they had not achieved enough in the past year, or overdoing things with sudden decisions such as long gym workouts every day.

“Don’t make huge new decisions and rather accept that small, good changes done incrementally over time are far better. We all thought 2021 would be awesome and different. But it wasn’t. There has been more disappointment, loss and grief compounded by Covid, a loss of jobs — not just the missing out of milestones such as weddings and graduations, but a loss of ordinariness — hanging out with friends, hugging someone, a new fear when you get a sore throat, having to wear masks when you leave your house,” Ancer said, contextualising the changes.

Shongwe said she had encountered people normalising the abnormal by dismissing loss and death as “another friend, another colleague or family member gone”.

“This sort of thing is not normal. People should not be pushing themselves to move on quickly, but rather allow themselves to move through the stages of grief rather than just saying ‘I have lost five friends and four family members, but I am OK because I am still alive’,” she said.

But with experiencing pain and suffering comes the flip side of depression, suicide and anxiety.

“Acknowledge disappointment, but don’t catastrophise it. Take time to be with children and equip them to be resilient, and not run away from it. Help children to not feel alone and when they are stressed or anxious, reassure them that ‘we will make a plan, we will get through this together and find other options if necessary’,” she said, explaining that teenagers and matriculants were particularly at risk.

Both Ancer and Shongwe urged people to be vigilant and watch their loved ones for signs of trouble.

“If someone cannot move on — if they are tearful and stuck, unable to find any joy — it may be time to get help from a health professional,” Ancer said.

“Be aware of what you can and can’t control. You can love, support and help others with routines, but cannot own their issues. Look for mental health promoting activities — gentle exercise, nourishing food, uplifting music. Negotiate space for yourself and others,” she said.

Symptoms to look out for, they said, were: a loss of functioning; negative thoughts; irritation and anger; a change in energy levels such as sleeping too much; sleep disturbances; extreme weight loss or gain; an inability to enjoy things as usual.

“When a worry becomes clinical, it’s time to get help. The holiday blues are avoidable and treatable,” said Ancer.

Anyone in need of counselling, help or a referral can contact Sadag at any time on 0800 567567, or find advice on its website https://www.sadag.org/.

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